Wednesday, November 03, 2004

Some good news for Kerry
from the mind of  humor_me.

In the wake of a post-election sweep of Congress and the presidency, I'd like to offer an olive branch and post some good news for Kerry and his campaigners. Non-conservatives, feel free to copy this and file it under 'L' for Looking on the Bright Side.

  1. Senator Kerry received more votes than any other presidential candidate in any previous election (55,532,981).

  2. Senator Kerry could have accumulated an estimated 120,000 frequent flyer miles had he traveled via Northwest Airlines (based in conveniently Democratic state Minnesota)-- enough for a pair of roundtrip tickets from Boston to Paris for he and his wife Mrs. Heinz-Kerry to celebrate their achievement (noted above).

  3. On the campaign trail, John Kerry and his staff have done their part to keep several local service businesses (e.g. restaurants, conference centers, hotels, gas stations) in operation, even contributing valuable time in hurricane-swept Florida in the final stages of the campaign. Kerry also supports American water purification businesses as they compete with foreign bottled water baron Evian.

  4. Senator Kerry has spent 29 months of his 20 years in the majority party in Congress, earning positions on four committees and nine sub-committees (where he was able to vote both for and against the war in Iraq).

  5. Senator Kerry is still able to look forward to at least FOUR MORE YEARS of good health in the Senate, passing another 1.3 bills into legislation (unless he runs up against a Republican majority in the Senate-- oh, wait, that's already happened!).

  6. Kerry is five seats closer to being the highest-ranking Democrat in the Senate. Perhaps MoveOn.org should endorse fellow Massachusetts Senator Ted Kennedy?

  7. Senator Edwards is going to have three more months to be able to abstain from voting on major pieces of legislation during this year's lame duck session.

  8. "Flip-flop" is now a well-known word in the English language.

  9. Whoever knew that Americans thought moral values belonged in the White House? Well, now we do, thanks to the stark contrast between President Bush and (not-President) Kerry.


I'd like to close with a tribute to John Kerry's efforts which have helped the U.S. become the great nation it is today (courtesy of James Taranto):

Served in Vietnam:
A grateful nation thanks him
And says, "That's enough"

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